Although I made some very bad decisions in my life, I am not 56 and stupid. I am dyslexic, and as I learned only through the final stages of my sentencing, hyper-manic as well. I accept full responsibility for my self-destructive behavior, but becoming enlightened about my condition and gaining understanding of hyper-mania shed a lot of light on my roller-coaster life and frequent toxic behavior. Add to all of this a debilitating fear of failure and a deep rooted sense of unworthiness… It’s little wonder I ended up imprisoned.
In my late teens I started looking for the “magic formula of success and prosperity”. Over the next forty years or so I read hundreds of self-help books, attended dozens of seminars, went through extensive training and traveled to some pretty interesting places to meet some very strange people. All of these endeavors were undertaken in pursuit of anything that would get me off my self-destructive roller-coaster and bring a sense of belonging, peace and stability into my life.
I learned a lot and each adventure drove me to bigger and crazier situations. But each time, at some point I would start to self-destruct and implode, hurting not only myself but everyone around me as well.
Looking back, it was obvious I showed all the signs of A.D.D. and severe chemical imbalances. It was January 2011 when I was finally diagnosed with hyper-mania and began medical treatment. I was finally starting to see through the fog.
It was not until I arrived at MO Shannon Valley Correctional Center (MVCC) that things really started to change. There, I was able to take the time to educate myself on my condition and, more importantly, get off of the drugs that were merely masking my symptoms, not fixing the underlying issues. From November 2011 to May 2012 I slowly weaned off of my meds and started to understand the root issues of hyper-mania. I can say now, 70 months later and drug free, I sleep like a baby and have no problems getting eight hours a night, and I no longer have a constantly racing mind.
Now, peak performance coaching is the result of my accumulated life experience and my ongoing journey in healing myself and my own life. After discovering that there were no prison programs designed to actually help inmates change their lives, I felt that if I was going to leave prison as a better person than I came in, it was going to be up to me. It was obvious that one could learn a lot about crime and how to beat the system, but to work on becoming a better human being there? Not a chance. It took me the better part of a year to create and get approval (by both GEO and the BOP) for a program called “Paradigm Thinking.” I sincerely felt I could not afford to spend 80 months of my life in prison and not come back healthier and, just simply put, a better person. I needed to put this time to good use. And that’s exactly what I did.
It’s important that I give a huge amount of credit to Chaplain Roberts in his ongoing pursuit of Biblical truth and the impact he has had on my life and my recovery. He is one of several third-party individuals that help with and influence the content of peak performance coaching.